I am my biggest critic

I thought I was a writer... when I was a kid I wrote short stories and I kept plenty of diaries. So I thought blogging would be easy. Turns out I am far too self critical. I have more drafts on this blog than I do posts. And half of the post I have up I want to delete because I think they are silly or unorganized or just plain pointless.
So I am my biggest critic and not a very good blogger.

Let the good times roll!

After weeks of panic and stress everything is finally falling into place. Cody got our dream job! Well... my dream job for him. Stability and a nice comfort net for us. I am so excited for the paid holidays and him being home just after 3:30 everyday. We are so excited for the first few pay days so we can get back on our feet, get caught up with the dreaded debt monster and prepare for the months he is laid off. I feel very prepared this time. I know what to expect, and we have learned to live off nothing. Because of that we know we can survive off anything.
Summer is off to an amazing start. This week is the polar opposite of last week. Cody landed the job, we went to 2 dinners with friends and had some great times. The kids loved it! Tomorrow we are going to yet another dinner, this time with our family. We have been going for long walks with the kids and our friend and his dog. Keeping busy. I cannot wait for July to be over. Even though Parker will be a year. I can't wait to have my space back, at least for a few months. We can't wait for the BBQs at our place in August. We will have the whole basement which will be used as the "rec-room" until we find someone else to live there and we "re-renovate". I can't wait to use my backyard as a play ground and not feel uncomfortable. I just can't wait. 29 more days.... 29 more days..... Just keep thinking positive!

These bumps are making me nauseous

These last few months have been tough... in many many ways. Cody was running out of work when Parker was in the hospital, and it hasn't seemed to pick up yet. The lovely people we had move into our basement to help us out has turned into nothing but a disaster. I feel like the crappiest mom in the world (who doesn't?). I don't however feel like Cody. He feels like he is not living up to his role as Dad. He has applied for jobs, but I feel like he is stuck in a rut and doesn't know how to get himself out there. My step dad likes to get on his case too, which seems to make Cody more stressed and frustrated than before. Luckily he got some part time work to get us through the rest of the month. A small sigh of relief in a mountain of stress.

Today is the day Cody's dad passed away. Has it really been four years? Sometimes when I think about him I still get angry. I have these 2 beautiful boys that he will never meet in this world. He has 3 amazing sons who all have hopes and dreams for their own lives and families, and they can't share it with him. Cody didn't say a word about his dad on fathers day and I wonder if he is maybe a little angry too. Or maybe it just hurts too much and he would rather avoid the subject. I woke up and cried this morning.... surprisingly.. I am usually too mad to cry. And despite me not knowing him very well, I still miss him and I wish he was here.

I thought about shoosh again today too. I wonder if she misses me or the kids... or even cares. Then I thought " Why should I care?" I didn't like being a disposable friend anyways.

So now, after my reflection and my mood swing I feel better. We may not have mountains of money, or own our own home, or have the perfect life. But we love our kids and each other. They have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs. We have a great group of friends who understand us and the everyday struggles we go through. So screw this bump in the road, I think I'll just coast right over it.

Where has the time gone?

Well, I have officially neglected this blog. I want to keep this post short and sweet. I will be posting more and kinda switching up this blog a bit.. but keeping the general idea. Me and my kids and our somewhat crazy lives... and a tid bit of ranting in there too.

A couple little things that have made us laugh our butts off recently.

Jackson killed a fly the other day... he said it had "peanut butter blood"

Jack had his friend Dom over a few days ago. They were in the front yard with Cody playing with "wood bugs" . Dom had 2 bugs and said to Jackson " This one is the good guy and this one is the bad guy"
Jack- "cool, can I kill the bad guy"
Dom- "ok"
Jackson takes out his plastic hammer and smashes a wood bug
Dom- " NOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo, that was the GOOD GUY!!"
Followed by 10 minutes of hysterical crying by Dom and Jack desperately searching for new wood bugs for Dom.

These 2 stories alone are making me think my son is a future serial killer .. LOL... just kidding... I hope..lol

Parker is changing more and more everyday. He is creeping along the furniture and making silly noises. He loves trying new foods and is a little piggy. Not much weight gain, but the kid is eating like a baby horse. He wants to chase after Jackson so bad and he seems so frustrated that he can't walk yet.. he is pushing himself big time!

Out and about

Horray!! Finally a good day!! Although it was not a great start. I have moved my alarm clock..it's now under my pillow..hoping to actually wake myself up. I have not mastered the art of radio alarm... force of habit, I always use the buzzer. Anyways, I pressed snooze for like an hour because I was so tired I couldn't turn it off. Then Jackson decided to play with his trains out side my bedroom door, after he got up and ate a bag of skittles. I then threw the alarm clock at the wall and dented it... Good morning. But things were looking way up from there. Even though both Cody and I were apprehensive about the day ahead, everything went VERY smoothly.

We packed up the limo (by that I mean my giant sit&stand stroller... very luxurious for the kids... very hard to maneuver for me) and headed to Lonsdale. We grabbed a giant coffee at Timmy's and got on a bus. Haven't done that in a while. Jackson had a blast. He chatted up some asian lady that couldn't speak english, but clearly thought Jackson was hilarious. It took forever trying to get the limo off the bus, but we made it. To 80's we go!! Parker was crashed and slept in the stroller while Cody and I had a lovely brunch with our big boy. He was so polite and asked to use the bathroom. There was no fighting/yelling/screaming , and we all enjoyed ourselves. We decided to go to the Library and renew our card and get some books for the boys. Jackson found some kids to play with and picked out some books and a video. He really liked the library and I can't wait to take him back to return our books and get some new ones.Then we were off to St.Andrew's park. Jackson is getting very independent and had no problem making a couple new friends at the park. Parker and I left Jack and Code at there and went up to our doctors appointment. Everything went well. Parker gained a little bit of weight even though he learned to crawl (OH YEAH!!! he learned to crawl on our anniversary... very sweet). Another appointment in 2 weeks and a blood appointment Wednesday. Poor kid. We went back to the park and got the other two and walked home. Jackson read his book and Parker happily napped in the stroller.

This may not seem like a big feat for some, but Jackson was a monster every time I took him out in public when I was pregnant. After Parker was born I stopped trying... the only places I could take him were baby group, and places where there wasn't a ton of people. He threw fits everywhere... and usually in the most crowed places... sooo embarrassing. Not to mention Cody. He hates being out in public and gets frustrated when things get crazy.. then he just wants to go home.

Anyways. I have been trying to write a blog for a few days. It keeps turning into a big, bitchy, angry rant. I have been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting.... and I haven't had many good days. But this was definitely up there on the awesome family day scale. :) I love these boys so much. I am really looking forward to the bit of time Cody has off. With the extra help I feel like I can enjoy both kids a little bit more.

Teeth and Bike Time!!

Today was the busiest day I have had in a while. I am babysitting Uncle Keith for my mom a few days this week. Ahhh the joys of spring break. But in all seriousness, I am stoked!! I have a car for a few days this week and plan on being as busy as possible.

Today was early...for me at least. I was at the mall with the kids before it opened... that's pretty early for me to be functioning. Thank God for TIM HORTONS!! The kids were awesome for the most part through the first trip through walmart... I bought some junk..and a wicked helmet for Jackson. A trip upstairs to Go bananas for an hour or so... but not long, because the spring break, cloudy day mob of kids piled in there. And with Parker the monkey clinging to my side, I didn't want to go hunt for children through that darn jungle. So off we went back to Walmart. . Jackson finally cracked and had a melt down, and I became one of those people... the ones with the kid like 10 feet behind them wailing. And that was my cue to quit while I was ahead.

Back home by noon.... really...only noon?? The afternoon went by pretty smoothly. Parker crashed out after the exciting morning, the boys ate chicken noodle soup for lunch and cuddled up on the couch and watched cartoons. Jackson told Keith the like spending time with him.. it was very cute. The Car and The Uncle were gone by 3:30

We tidied up and did some laundry just before Cody got home. Then Jack and I were off again, this time to try out his new helmet!! It has aliens on it, and little led lights that blink... He said it was like Franklin's. After 6 months of tring to get him to try on helmets! I win!! yay!!

I wish he would have let us try a helmet on earlier.. he did so well!! It was his first time really riding his bike and the first time riding on the road(cause he wouldn't wear a helmet). After a few pushes he knew what to do, and I jogged next to him. If only it didn't have the pedal brake he would be totally crusin.

I am soooo proud of him. It may sound crazy, but I can't believe how big he is getting. He went from tiny baby like Parker to this independent, stubborn,walking, talking, bike riding, amazing little person!!

Here's a pic of Parker's new teeth... you can't really see them, but they are there!!

Double Trouble

Why?!?!?! Why do kids have these little sensors?!!? It's like they share their brains!!


Jackson had sat on the potty allll morning. He sat down on it at like 10:30 am. Parker had just been fed some baby cereal and had been all cleaned up and happily playing in his play pen. I was about to start dishes when Jackson called me to wipe his bum at 12:30. I walked into the living room and got a biiiiiiig whiff of poop....not just one poop, but 2 different poo smells!!! I ran to the playpen just as Parker rolled over onto his belly, exposing his giant poop soaked back!!! ALL THE WAY TO HIS NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was EVERYWHERE!!

And there is poor Jackson stuck on the potty waiting for me to finish gagging, changing and bathing Parker. The poor kid. When I finally managed to get to Jackson, he only had the smallest little turd ever. One wipe and he was done. I felt awful. He sat there for 10 minutes while I cleaned up Parker, when I could have dealt with him first and he coulda spent that time playing :( Poor guy.





Well it's been a crazy month full of doctors appointments, Olympic fever and renovations. But now that it's all done, I can finally spend some much needed time playing with the boys. Jackson is getting so smart. I took him for a walk the other day while Parker was napping with Cody. We went up to the corner store and bought some skittles. We went for a long, slow walk and talked the whole time. It is amazing how much I miss Jackson. I hardly ever get to spend any one on one time with him anymore. And when I do, it seems like he has changed so much. I feel like I am missing out on 3 with Jack, and I am almost looking forward to Parker being 3. Actually, I can wait. Jackson spent a good portion of our walk talking about his trains, his dad and what mighty machines do. He spent a ton of time picking out all the purple skittles for me because I said they were my favorite and picking me little purple flowers. I told him I wish he could stay my little guy forever. He said to me " I'm going to grow up someday Mama, don't be sad." I could have cried right there, but I can't be sad. I would not change any part of my life for the world. Their little faces everyday are enough for me.