Beaches

I love the beach. LOVE IT. I grew up in deep cove, a beautiful place in an already beautiful place. We lived in a big house that was surrounded by forest, beach and ocean. Our front yard wasn't much. Just a drive was and a busy street called Dollarton Highway. If you were standing on our back deck to your left were some trees and bushes and our neighbours houses, tucked away in more trees. To the right was nothing but forest. Thick and old and filled with wonderful things for kids to do. Straight ahead was a long grass hill that finally reached the beach.
I was never bored growing up. Rain or shine I was outside exploring. My brother and I would play in the forest together building tree houses, picking blackberries, huckle berries or salmon berries and playing in the creek that trickled down to the ocean. We explored our neighbours yards. They grew a lot of fruit. Strawberries, raspberries and a whole whack of cherry trees. We would live off the land and never come in for snacks, just meals.
But the beach was our favorite. I bet if I added up the hours I spent at the beach as a kid it would probably equal a year straight. I would collect shells and beach glass and other treasures for hours. I would catch crabs and build them sand kingdoms. The creek would make small rivers in the sand, so we would have real flowing moats around our castles. When the tide came up really high, there were two rock we could climb up on and jump off into the water. I understood tide changes at a very young age. My mom would come down at low tide and put a large stick somewhere on the beach and say " When the water gets to here it's time to come in for dinner". We even ate dinner at the beach at least twice a week. We had cleared out a spot just above the shore in the trees and would make a bonfire and eat hot dogs. It was surrounded by blackberry bushes. In the summer we never brought down desert, we would just eat berries.
The most fun I had at the beach was by myself. A few minute walk down the beach from "our beach" was a beautiful spot. A tree had grown all tangled and oddly shaped over the water very close to the shore. Under the tree was a very large deposit of crushed shells that made the beach look white. When the tide came up I would climb up the tree and sit with a book and read until the tide went down again. I spent so many hours in that tree. I wonder if it is still there, hanging over the water just waiting for someone to climb in a read for a few hours.

I visited my beach last night. The tide was up so I couldn't make it to my reading tree. I could hardly make it back from the beach before the tide came up. It looks very different now. The dock and stairs to the beach have collapsed, probably in the windstorms of '06. Our barbecue spot has grown in with blackberries so thick I couldn't even find the fire ring. I was so sad to see it like that. Such a beautiful spot of beach that isn't being enjoyed as much as I had enjoyed it. I did enjoy collecting shells and beach glass again. It brought back some great memories. I want to bring my kids down there and spend the whole day on the beach, just like I used to. Maybe one day they will love the beach as much as I do.

inspire me

The past is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.

Baby steps

I cannot get motivated! There is so much to clean and organize I don't even know where to start. After a day of cleaning and taking care of the kids, I don't want to go down there and clean a scummy bathroom covered in someone else pee. Yuck. Cody isn't much of a help when it comes to cleaning. He wont even do the dishes.. there is no way he is cleaning a bathroom. I don't even want to get my friends to help me. I feel terrible subjecting them to scum and disgustingness.

I think the most annoying part is I JUST did this. Well, it was 6 months ago. But seriously.. how much of a mess can people make in 6 months. It's gross. If my camera wasn't broken I would take pictures of it to prove how nasty it is. That poor carpet. I try and spend a little while down there everyday. Working in baby steps.



Speaking of baby steps, Parker is almost walking. He took a few steps last week and he takes a few more everyday. He finds it hilarious. He took 7 steps yesterday. He took four, stopped and stood for a few seconds and then ran the last 3 steps to Cody. I wish my camera was working. He is so darn cute with his toothy smile and crazy hair. And he always looks so proud of himself when he is walking. He has even started trying to stand up with nothing around him to hold on to. Jackson is very excited too. Now that Parker is more steady on his feet Jackson loves to hold his hands and help him cruise around the house. It terrifies me, but it makes them both happy. Parker also learned how to climb up on the couch. Jackson loves it and luckily he tells me every time Parker gets up there or we probably would have had some sever head trauma.



Despite how much I love summer, I am looking forward to it ending. We will be back on our feet and living comfortably, Jackson will be starting preschool and the sun will go down before bed time. But we have a lot to look forward to until then. BBQ's and birthday parties and hopefully some lazy summer evenings. A mom can dream :)

We're Free!!!!!!!

It is finally August!! Our basement dwellers are GONE!! They left a huge mess for me to clean up, but I don't even care(I expected it.. they were slobs)! We have our whole house back, for now. Nobody but our own kids wake us up in the morning. I can do laundry whenever I want. Nobody is cooking the most disgusting smelling food at random times of the day. Nobody is fighting loudly about half butts and other random stupid things. No obnoxiously loud music plays first thing in the morning. My kids and I can play in their own backyard and not feel awkward. I will have my storage room back for my things. I can talk on my deck without worrying about offending anyone. I can go on, I really really can. We are so excited to have our life back and not having to share it with another family. This was definitely a life lesson for us. No families. Single people living down there are fine. They have jobs and go out and leave me alone once in a while so I can do laundry.

I think this is going to be the best thing for us. A few months of enjoying the entire house to ourselves. Organizing our things. Getting prepared for another person living down there. The rent is expensive, but totally worth the freedom.

How quickly the time flies

Happy Birthday baby boy! I cannot understand where the time went. I am so proud of all of us. We survived the first year. I made it through a year of broken sleep, counting hours until the next feeding time, and countless medicine doses. Cody put up with me and my terrible mood swings, late night freak outs and missed sleep. Jackson learned how to be a big brother, to share his toys and share time with mom and dad.

I personally am a little bummed. I feel like I wished away this first year away so I could sleep again, which still isn't happening. When he was 4 months I could not wait until now, so I could sleep and he would be easier to deal with. But I would take it all back now if I could. I would go back to the first night and do it all over again, just to enjoy his newborn days. To not care about how tired I am and how much time and effort I have to put into dealing with MCAD. To watch him grow and not care that I am exhausted and need a shower and need to eat something. But I wont let that stop me from enjoying the rest his childhood has to offer.

I am my biggest critic

I thought I was a writer... when I was a kid I wrote short stories and I kept plenty of diaries. So I thought blogging would be easy. Turns out I am far too self critical. I have more drafts on this blog than I do posts. And half of the post I have up I want to delete because I think they are silly or unorganized or just plain pointless.
So I am my biggest critic and not a very good blogger.

Let the good times roll!

After weeks of panic and stress everything is finally falling into place. Cody got our dream job! Well... my dream job for him. Stability and a nice comfort net for us. I am so excited for the paid holidays and him being home just after 3:30 everyday. We are so excited for the first few pay days so we can get back on our feet, get caught up with the dreaded debt monster and prepare for the months he is laid off. I feel very prepared this time. I know what to expect, and we have learned to live off nothing. Because of that we know we can survive off anything.
Summer is off to an amazing start. This week is the polar opposite of last week. Cody landed the job, we went to 2 dinners with friends and had some great times. The kids loved it! Tomorrow we are going to yet another dinner, this time with our family. We have been going for long walks with the kids and our friend and his dog. Keeping busy. I cannot wait for July to be over. Even though Parker will be a year. I can't wait to have my space back, at least for a few months. We can't wait for the BBQs at our place in August. We will have the whole basement which will be used as the "rec-room" until we find someone else to live there and we "re-renovate". I can't wait to use my backyard as a play ground and not feel uncomfortable. I just can't wait. 29 more days.... 29 more days..... Just keep thinking positive!

These bumps are making me nauseous

These last few months have been tough... in many many ways. Cody was running out of work when Parker was in the hospital, and it hasn't seemed to pick up yet. The lovely people we had move into our basement to help us out has turned into nothing but a disaster. I feel like the crappiest mom in the world (who doesn't?). I don't however feel like Cody. He feels like he is not living up to his role as Dad. He has applied for jobs, but I feel like he is stuck in a rut and doesn't know how to get himself out there. My step dad likes to get on his case too, which seems to make Cody more stressed and frustrated than before. Luckily he got some part time work to get us through the rest of the month. A small sigh of relief in a mountain of stress.

Today is the day Cody's dad passed away. Has it really been four years? Sometimes when I think about him I still get angry. I have these 2 beautiful boys that he will never meet in this world. He has 3 amazing sons who all have hopes and dreams for their own lives and families, and they can't share it with him. Cody didn't say a word about his dad on fathers day and I wonder if he is maybe a little angry too. Or maybe it just hurts too much and he would rather avoid the subject. I woke up and cried this morning.... surprisingly.. I am usually too mad to cry. And despite me not knowing him very well, I still miss him and I wish he was here.

I thought about shoosh again today too. I wonder if she misses me or the kids... or even cares. Then I thought " Why should I care?" I didn't like being a disposable friend anyways.

So now, after my reflection and my mood swing I feel better. We may not have mountains of money, or own our own home, or have the perfect life. But we love our kids and each other. They have a roof over their heads, food in their bellies and clothes on their backs. We have a great group of friends who understand us and the everyday struggles we go through. So screw this bump in the road, I think I'll just coast right over it.

Where has the time gone?

Well, I have officially neglected this blog. I want to keep this post short and sweet. I will be posting more and kinda switching up this blog a bit.. but keeping the general idea. Me and my kids and our somewhat crazy lives... and a tid bit of ranting in there too.

A couple little things that have made us laugh our butts off recently.

Jackson killed a fly the other day... he said it had "peanut butter blood"

Jack had his friend Dom over a few days ago. They were in the front yard with Cody playing with "wood bugs" . Dom had 2 bugs and said to Jackson " This one is the good guy and this one is the bad guy"
Jack- "cool, can I kill the bad guy"
Dom- "ok"
Jackson takes out his plastic hammer and smashes a wood bug
Dom- " NOOOOOoooooooooooooooooo, that was the GOOD GUY!!"
Followed by 10 minutes of hysterical crying by Dom and Jack desperately searching for new wood bugs for Dom.

These 2 stories alone are making me think my son is a future serial killer .. LOL... just kidding... I hope..lol

Parker is changing more and more everyday. He is creeping along the furniture and making silly noises. He loves trying new foods and is a little piggy. Not much weight gain, but the kid is eating like a baby horse. He wants to chase after Jackson so bad and he seems so frustrated that he can't walk yet.. he is pushing himself big time!

Out and about

Horray!! Finally a good day!! Although it was not a great start. I have moved my alarm clock..it's now under my pillow..hoping to actually wake myself up. I have not mastered the art of radio alarm... force of habit, I always use the buzzer. Anyways, I pressed snooze for like an hour because I was so tired I couldn't turn it off. Then Jackson decided to play with his trains out side my bedroom door, after he got up and ate a bag of skittles. I then threw the alarm clock at the wall and dented it... Good morning. But things were looking way up from there. Even though both Cody and I were apprehensive about the day ahead, everything went VERY smoothly.

We packed up the limo (by that I mean my giant sit&stand stroller... very luxurious for the kids... very hard to maneuver for me) and headed to Lonsdale. We grabbed a giant coffee at Timmy's and got on a bus. Haven't done that in a while. Jackson had a blast. He chatted up some asian lady that couldn't speak english, but clearly thought Jackson was hilarious. It took forever trying to get the limo off the bus, but we made it. To 80's we go!! Parker was crashed and slept in the stroller while Cody and I had a lovely brunch with our big boy. He was so polite and asked to use the bathroom. There was no fighting/yelling/screaming , and we all enjoyed ourselves. We decided to go to the Library and renew our card and get some books for the boys. Jackson found some kids to play with and picked out some books and a video. He really liked the library and I can't wait to take him back to return our books and get some new ones.Then we were off to St.Andrew's park. Jackson is getting very independent and had no problem making a couple new friends at the park. Parker and I left Jack and Code at there and went up to our doctors appointment. Everything went well. Parker gained a little bit of weight even though he learned to crawl (OH YEAH!!! he learned to crawl on our anniversary... very sweet). Another appointment in 2 weeks and a blood appointment Wednesday. Poor kid. We went back to the park and got the other two and walked home. Jackson read his book and Parker happily napped in the stroller.

This may not seem like a big feat for some, but Jackson was a monster every time I took him out in public when I was pregnant. After Parker was born I stopped trying... the only places I could take him were baby group, and places where there wasn't a ton of people. He threw fits everywhere... and usually in the most crowed places... sooo embarrassing. Not to mention Cody. He hates being out in public and gets frustrated when things get crazy.. then he just wants to go home.

Anyways. I have been trying to write a blog for a few days. It keeps turning into a big, bitchy, angry rant. I have been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting.... and I haven't had many good days. But this was definitely up there on the awesome family day scale. :) I love these boys so much. I am really looking forward to the bit of time Cody has off. With the extra help I feel like I can enjoy both kids a little bit more.

Teeth and Bike Time!!

Today was the busiest day I have had in a while. I am babysitting Uncle Keith for my mom a few days this week. Ahhh the joys of spring break. But in all seriousness, I am stoked!! I have a car for a few days this week and plan on being as busy as possible.

Today was early...for me at least. I was at the mall with the kids before it opened... that's pretty early for me to be functioning. Thank God for TIM HORTONS!! The kids were awesome for the most part through the first trip through walmart... I bought some junk..and a wicked helmet for Jackson. A trip upstairs to Go bananas for an hour or so... but not long, because the spring break, cloudy day mob of kids piled in there. And with Parker the monkey clinging to my side, I didn't want to go hunt for children through that darn jungle. So off we went back to Walmart. . Jackson finally cracked and had a melt down, and I became one of those people... the ones with the kid like 10 feet behind them wailing. And that was my cue to quit while I was ahead.

Back home by noon.... really...only noon?? The afternoon went by pretty smoothly. Parker crashed out after the exciting morning, the boys ate chicken noodle soup for lunch and cuddled up on the couch and watched cartoons. Jackson told Keith the like spending time with him.. it was very cute. The Car and The Uncle were gone by 3:30

We tidied up and did some laundry just before Cody got home. Then Jack and I were off again, this time to try out his new helmet!! It has aliens on it, and little led lights that blink... He said it was like Franklin's. After 6 months of tring to get him to try on helmets! I win!! yay!!

I wish he would have let us try a helmet on earlier.. he did so well!! It was his first time really riding his bike and the first time riding on the road(cause he wouldn't wear a helmet). After a few pushes he knew what to do, and I jogged next to him. If only it didn't have the pedal brake he would be totally crusin.

I am soooo proud of him. It may sound crazy, but I can't believe how big he is getting. He went from tiny baby like Parker to this independent, stubborn,walking, talking, bike riding, amazing little person!!

Here's a pic of Parker's new teeth... you can't really see them, but they are there!!

Double Trouble

Why?!?!?! Why do kids have these little sensors?!!? It's like they share their brains!!


Jackson had sat on the potty allll morning. He sat down on it at like 10:30 am. Parker had just been fed some baby cereal and had been all cleaned up and happily playing in his play pen. I was about to start dishes when Jackson called me to wipe his bum at 12:30. I walked into the living room and got a biiiiiiig whiff of poop....not just one poop, but 2 different poo smells!!! I ran to the playpen just as Parker rolled over onto his belly, exposing his giant poop soaked back!!! ALL THE WAY TO HIS NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was EVERYWHERE!!

And there is poor Jackson stuck on the potty waiting for me to finish gagging, changing and bathing Parker. The poor kid. When I finally managed to get to Jackson, he only had the smallest little turd ever. One wipe and he was done. I felt awful. He sat there for 10 minutes while I cleaned up Parker, when I could have dealt with him first and he coulda spent that time playing :( Poor guy.





Well it's been a crazy month full of doctors appointments, Olympic fever and renovations. But now that it's all done, I can finally spend some much needed time playing with the boys. Jackson is getting so smart. I took him for a walk the other day while Parker was napping with Cody. We went up to the corner store and bought some skittles. We went for a long, slow walk and talked the whole time. It is amazing how much I miss Jackson. I hardly ever get to spend any one on one time with him anymore. And when I do, it seems like he has changed so much. I feel like I am missing out on 3 with Jack, and I am almost looking forward to Parker being 3. Actually, I can wait. Jackson spent a good portion of our walk talking about his trains, his dad and what mighty machines do. He spent a ton of time picking out all the purple skittles for me because I said they were my favorite and picking me little purple flowers. I told him I wish he could stay my little guy forever. He said to me " I'm going to grow up someday Mama, don't be sad." I could have cried right there, but I can't be sad. I would not change any part of my life for the world. Their little faces everyday are enough for me.

My first blog ever!

This blog is more for myself and to keep track of my everyday life with my boys. I find I can never remember the cute or funny things they do and say.

So to start... My 3 amazing boys that I could not live without.

Jackson Denver. Born August 21st 2006 at 6:24 pm 7.lbs 2ozs. He is so full of energy and is an amazing character. He has a great imagination and loves to talk. He has amazed me since the day he was born and I couldn't imagine my life without him. He always puts a smile on my face.

Parker Austin. Born July 28th 2009 at 6:52 pl 7.lbs 5ozs. Surprising, he has been my tough baby. He was diagnosed with MCAD deficiency and had to be closely watched and fed more often than a normal baby. He will always have to take medication and eat well. I am very thankful it was not a very life threatening illness, but I worried a lot. Parker is a darling little baby. He smiles all the time and learns a new trick everyday. He is so quite compared to Jackson and is a very relaxed baby.

Then there is Cody. I don't think I could love another human being ( besides my own kids) as much as I love Cody. He is my biggest support and is the best daddy in the entire world. He loves his boys so much and is the biggest help to me. I could ask for a better person to have kids with. I appreciate him so much and I could not raise these boys without him.



Now that my you know my boys, this is my space to update their milestones, accomplishments and everyday drama that comes with being a parent and having 2 small boys. Enjoy